Close Escape



That was a close escape
Had to get a new hobby to relate
Something less conspicuous
Won’t take up too much time
Something less energetic
For what I’ve got in mind
I won’t be too persistent
‘Cos I’m not that way inclined

C that’s the one for me
Look under Collins and see if she’s free
Sweaty fingers find 5p
Four one five one six eight three
Hello Miss Collins you’ll not know me
I’m in the undies business see
Please please can you tell me
The size how far from the knee

Oh dear dear me luck is running thin
I’ll take another name I might have a win
Got two more coins
I hope no one’s listening in

D that’s the one for me
Look under Dickens C F G
See if she’ll speak to me
Hands are getting shaky eyes can’t see
Having trouble find 5p
Two one seven one nine eight three
Hello Miss Dickens you’ll not know me
I’m in the undies business see

Feel more relaxed now here we go again
Oi no peeping someone must take me in
Oh dear dear me luck is running thin

So please please can you tell me
The texture feel feel good to me
In the naked nude
Try to grin and bare with me
Please don’t think me rude
I only hear don’t want to see
Ha ha

E that’s the one for me
That was quick too quick for me
Of that I can see
What’s your name Mildred well bugger me
Sugar in milk in me tea
No I couldn’t well I’ll see
What’s your hobby?
Just the same as me
See you soon for tea

I’ll give it one last chance I think you’ll all agree
I’m getting no game here I’m on my last 5p
I’ll flicker through the pages nothing interests me
I’ll ring another number make sure it’s a C
Here we go again I’ll give it third degree
No hards below yes I’m sure you’ll all agree
I’ll take another name I might have a win


Chris Foreman Music
Lee Thompson Words


The song “Close Escape” picks up where its predecessor “In The Middle Of The Night” left off. The story depicts a perverse individual who derives pleasure from making unsolicited calls to women and asking them about their underwear. The author, Thompson, intended to give this character a continued presence in the story and thus transformed him into a heavy-breather who makes calls from public telephone boxes, adding an element of danger and unpredictability to his already disturbing behaviour.


Publisher Nutty Sounds Ltd.
Publisher Warner Chappell Music Ltd.

Extensive efforts have been made to gather factual information and knowledge on madness from various sources and document them. These sources include publicly accessible websites, books and publications, historical artefacts, and other pertinent materials. As a result, a comprehensive index of resources has been compiled and integrated into the website. These resources, if relevant to this article, are listed below.

House of Fun: The Story of Madness (John Reed) Book Website